This parody was written by Brian F, but you know him better as Mega-Ninjor, author of the UAOH fanfics and our newest member! Gourmet Night presents... Power People Lost in Space An original PPLiS parody "TJ's Not-So-Typical Day" by Brian F. Rated TV-14 Violence; Language; Senseless Humor; Sexual Innuendoes Starring: Shellfish Ward as TJ Tee Costarring: Christopher Hkayman Islands Lee as Andros Andretti Andros: Hey, wait a minute, I'm the leader, I should get top billing. I have the most talent. [Points to chest] Ashley: Do you know what you just said!?! Andros: What about it? What? Cassie: If you have to ask, you'll never know. Just ask some Sailor Spoon Otaku. Brian (the writer): Can we just get on with the opening scenes? Rangers: NO! Tracy Lynt Crud as Ashley Hamhead Roger Tobasco as Carlos Carl Patricia Ya Man as Cassie Sham Guy Incognito as Chris Bracklen Carlos: Hey, we aren't even in alphabetical order by any way. Ashley: Shut up, Carlos. Just smile and nod like the little kid you are. 'Can't-sing-a-tune' Perk 'em as Astronemesis Cassie: Hey, she isn't even in this episode. Brian: She wasn't in 'The Craterface Crackdown', yet her name is in the credits. Cassie: Oh. Painin Buttkiss as Aktroms and... Walter Lame as the voice of Hedgecliptor --- [Gastro Bigship] [It's morning on the Gastro Bigship and everybody is starting to wake up. Well at least everybody. . .] TJ: Would the narrator *PLEASE* shut up? Besides, isn't morning a relative term when you're in space? Brian (the writer): Would *YOU* like to write this? [Silence.] I thought so. As you were. [TJ removes his blankets to reveal he is stark. . .] Japanese Director: Cut! Hentai no Shellfish! TJ: Huh? Director: You are perverted. (Throws Ward some pants.) Put these on. Scene 1, Take 2! (Shakes head) This is going to be a long day. --- [Gastro Bigship] [It's morning on the Gastro Bigship and everybody is starting to wake up. We will look in on one particular ranger.] [TJ uncovers himself, gets up and scratches himself in his. . .] Director: Cut again! Ward, baby from hell, please quit with the sexual tendencies. We're already at TV-14. Keep this up and we won't be able to give you *YOUR* own episode. Shellfish: Sorry. Director: Scene 1, Take Th-th-th-re-re- [Breaks down crying] Brain: I'm so glad a grown man can express his feelings like that. --- [Gastro Bigship] [It's morning on the Gastro Bigship and everybody is starting to wake up. We will look in on one particular ranger...] [TJ gets out from under his blanket, gets up, and heads to the bathroom. He starts to shave his head.] Director (sobbing): Cut! Shellfish: What!?! Director: You're shaving your head! Brian: It's okay, he's working with what he said in "Fear It In The Woods," with that thing about not being able to think in the morning. Andros (off screen): I thought he couldn't think at all! Haha. [TJ gives him a nasty look.] Director: Post-adolescents these days. . . --- [The Bathroom] [TJ has finished shaving his head o_O and taken a shower, now clothed in only a towel around his waist extending to the ground and bare-chested. We find that he is hairless on his chest.] [DECO decides to have a little fun. In her own rooms, Cassie is reading her daily news from Yuchoo . DECO switches Cassie's viewing screen to the secret camera in TJ's bathroom (Andros, being the paranoid one he is, has cameras everywhere Right now, he's viewing Ashley taking a shower. But enough of that.), giving Cassie a good view of TJ. A breeze enters TJ's bathroom and lifts his towel up, exposing his, er, um, unmentionable.] [Suffice to say, a loud scream and several laser blasts can be heard coming from the direction of Cassie's quarters. Off stage, the director sits in his chair with his head buried in his hands.] Brian: Cut! Cut! That's it! Here's how the story should be going up to here. [TJ gets up, takes care of himself in the bathroom (not to be shown), gets dressed and goes to eat breakfast. Now, let's continue from the point in the mess hole.] --- [The Mess Hole] [TJ walks in as everybody else walks out.] TJ: Dog gone it, I missed breakfast. [Cassie walks by him and slaps his face using E. Honda's 'Thousand Hand Slap'.] TJ: What's that for? Cassie: For that peak at something I wanted to see *AFTER* I married the Random Ranger. [Everybody turns around and heads toward the exhaust pipe jump tubes.] TJ: Where are you guys going? Ashley: Well, er, you see. . . Carlos: (Screech whistle) Oh, I don't know. . . Cassie: The writer toward us that we had been such glory hogs lately, that if we ever wanted to get paid again, we had to give you an episode and not be in it at all. GN: Like we pay you that much to begin with. Chris: You mean we get paid? TJ: Whoo-hoo! Andros: Of course, you know that means you're the one who'll get kicked around. TJ: D'OH! Andros: I can't believe I'm leaving him in command. Chris, sure you don't want to stay behind?" Chris: Positive. Everybody: Good-bye! [The Rangers do that hand thing and slide down face-first onto their Malady Bladders and leave for the rest of the episode.] TJ: Yaa! They're finally gone. Now the ship is MINE! Beta and DECO: Ahem! TJ: Oh, yeah, you two. Don't you have something better to do? Beta: No. TJ: Damn. Director (recovered): Watch it, mister, or we'll have the others back faster than you can say "It's Changing Time!" TJ: I wouldn't know since I wasn't here for that call phrase, mister director, sir. Director: Can it, Mr. Hotshot, or it'll be faster than you can say "Paste into Turkey!" and a cameo by the Virtuoso Troopers. [Gastric, Sub-Moronic, and Righteous Troopers appear on the set.] Gastric Trooper: What do you want us to do? Righteous Trooper: We're getting paid a 100 bucks an hour. TJ: No! Anything but that! And they get paid that much? Director: Yes. Good. I'm glad to see we're on the same wavelength now. You guys can go now. Righteous Trooper: Will we still be getting paid? Director: Of course, you will, sweety-pie Righteous Trooper. Your friends, on the other hand. . . Gastric and Sub-Moronic Trooper: Hey! Director: Now, I said, "GET OUT!" TJ, it's time for obligatory hand-to-hand fight. TJ: What!?! [Aktroms comes crawling up one of the exhaust pipes.] Aktroms: Huff. . .puff. . . TJ: Nice '3 Little Pigs' imitation. Director: Thanks, Shellfish. Now we've got to pay royalties and it's coming out of your paycheck. TJ: D'OH! Aktroms: Can we get this over with? TJ: Fine. Let's Run Away! 9-1-1! [TJ transforms into the Blue-Faced Lonestarr Ranger.] Aktroms: Two can play at that game. Install... Delta Tao Chi! [Aktroms also morphs.] TJ: Bury-D-Hatchets! Ki-yah! See-ya! Aktroms: Are all those see-yas and ki-yah really necessary. Lord Zepplin: Stop stealing my shtick. Aktroms: I mean, I can call on my Cricket Bat without all of that-- [TJ kicks Aktroms down the exhaust pipe.] Aktroms: Ttttttthhhhhhhaaaaaaaattttttttt wwwwwwaaaaaaasssssnnnnnn'tttttt ssssssuuuuuuupppppppppppppppppoooooooooossssssssssseeeeeeeeeddddddd ttttttttooooooo hhhhhhhhhaaaaaaappppppppppppppppppeeeeeeeeeeeennnnnnnnnnnn!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [TJ demorphs.] DECO: I know something you don't know, and I'm not telling! Nyah-nah! TJ: What is it? DECO: I'm not telling! TJ: Tell me or I'll make this ship look like the Fourth of July. DECO: What is this July? TJ: You're as stupid as your owner, and that's not saying much. DECO: Would it please you then to know a giant Hedgeclipter is heading this way? TJ: What!?! DECO: Clean out your ears, buddy-boy, and you might have heard the first time. Hedgeclipter: Knock knock, anybody home? [TJ starts to fidget like he's a cartoon.] DECO: You're not Roger Rabbit, you know. TJ: Well, what do you think I should do? DECO: Use the MegaHunkaJunkaZord! Geez! TJ: Oh, right! [TJ jumps into his exhaust pipe and lands alone in the Gastro BigShuttle, morphed.] TJ: Gastro MegaHunkaJunkaZord, power up! [The shuttle leaves the ship and crashes into it, falling to the Earth. Some rubber cement later, the MegaHunkaJunkaZord is in what resembles one piece. TJ is in the main seat in the cockpit of the HunkaJunkaZord. Suddenly, he gets a message from Andros.] (Andros): Get out of my seat, buster! [TJ moves over to his regular seat.] (Andros): Better. [Andros closes the line.] TJ: Why, that stuck-up Red-Neck Ranger. I've piloted HunkaJunkazords more powerful than this. (Beta): You've only piloted two, and you managed to get both of them scrapped. TJ: Who asked you? [TJ moves back over to the main seat.] (Andros): What did I tell you? TJ (sighs): Fine. [TJ moves back to his seat.] Hedgecliptor: Do you mind? I don't have all day. TJ: What could be more important than finishing a Lonestar Ranger off? Hedgecliptor: Er, um, I have a little, er, um, meeting with Anaconda. TJ: Please don't tell me about it. This episode is bad enough as it is. (Beta): Hey, do you think we're worthy of a MSTing? TJ: Shut up, Alpha. Hedgecliptor: This is getting boring. I'm leaving. Remind Andros of his appointment with me for his head-crushing. If he objects, just hog-tie him and leave him in Angel Grove park. TJ: Okay, I'll remind him. Hey, can I join in this time? Hedgecliptor: yeah, sure, whatever... [Hedgecliptor disappears for his, er, meeting.] TJ: I guess I won this battle. (Hedgecliptor): I don't think so, ranger-boy. If it weren't for the fact that you're the Blue-Faced Lonestarr Ranger and not the Red-Neck Lonestarr Ranger, I'd beat the crap out of you here. Aktroms: I'm still here. TJ (yawns): Oh, you're still here? Aktroms: That's it! Zealous MegaHunkaJunkaZord! [The Zealous Bigship leaves Earth's orbit, circles the solar system, follows the path of the Voyager probes out of the solar system, and is not heard from again until the next episode.] Aktroms: D'OH! Why, Mr. Writer, sir? Brian: Basically, because I don't have the specs for your MegaHunkaJunkaZord, since this episode is being produced before any of the others showcasing this new piece of merchandising to make more money for HanInTheCookieJai based on the sales of this zord's toy. Aktroms: Oh. I knew that. TJ: Sure you did. [The Gastro MegaHunkaJunkaZord fumbles back into Gastro Bigship formation and instanly appears in orbit around the Earth.] TJ: I just thought of something. Andros (off stage): I knew I smelled something burning. TJ: Takes one to know one, Andros. Anyway, I just realized that today's episode had no real plot to it, other than portraying the perfect person I am to the world. Andros (off stage): Egotistical fool. Brian: Did you really expect a plot? TJ: No, not really. Anything else? Brian: Just this. [Brian throws Kenny into the episode complete with a bomb set to explode in two seconds.] KA-BOOMB!! TJ: Oh, my god! You killed Kenny! You bastard! And why this way? Why not have the MegaHunkaJunkaZord stomp him? Brian: Too predictable. TJ: Oh. Brian: And we used that already in 'Chafe Into Space part 1.' executive producers CHRIS NEUMANN JEAN-CHRISTOPHE KARIM [Outside the PPLIS set, the other five | Andros: Rangers are sitting on the steps.] | Christoph--wait, we did these | at the beginning! Why should Andros: That was something, huh? | we do them again? I'm outta | here! Chris: I can't believe that they would | let a novice author do their dirty work | for them. | | Ashley: Well, don't worry, summer's | coming soon, and the authors will be | be back. | | Cassie: Yeah, if he doesn't get | grounded again. | | [Suddenly, the Random Ranger appears.] | | Random Ranger: Rangers, I must--- | | [Before he can finish, Cassie jumps on | him and they roll down a hill, where | several klunks can be heard.] | | Chris: Aw, they'll be OK. | | Carlos: I think that was uncalled for. | | Chris: then you didn't read the | (c) 1998 Gourmet Night Inc. original script. | All Rights Reserved.