Rated TV~14 Gourmet Night presents the season finale of (Ages 14 +) Power People Lost In Space "Hot Flashies of Anaconda" Parody of "Flashes of Darkonda" * We apologize for the poor quality of this episode; * * This particular one was directed by Guy "Chris" Inomnate * [The Gastro Bigship, night. Andros is asleep in bed, for some reason fully clothed. I think Chris Farley said it best when he said 'La dee STINKING da!!!'.] Andros: No more bunnies! No more bunnies! [Suddenly, Andros bolts rightup and hits his head against the top of his cot and he falls unconscious. Two hours later, he regains himself and heads out to the bridge, where Cassie, Chris, and Ashley are doing some "work", meaning they're just lounging around, putting their muddy boots on their reupholstered leather seats, playing space invaders on the scanner, etc.] Andros: What are you guys doing here? Chris: Hey, it's not YOUR BigShip. If we want to hang around the bridge we can do that. Carlos: Come one, I'm finally going to kill off the rest of those awful awful aliens! Chris: Carlos, you're the Black Hole Ranger. Not Professor Incompitent. There's a differance. Not in terms of brain size or usage, apparantly, but there IS a differance. [TJ and Cassie enter.] TJ (obviously drunk): Hey guys, wanna go down to the Deltoid system and dodge asteroids? Chris: Hold it, hold it, can we do that again? TJ (normal): OH come on, Guy! We've been doing this scene twelve times! Chris: Sorry Shellfish, but I want this episode to be perfect. Ashley: Guy, you're never going to get to direct on this show again. Chris: OK all, places. And... action! TJ (drunk again): Hey guys, wanna go down to the Deltoid system and dodge asteroids? Carlos: Sure. Ashley: I don't think that's safe. Cassie: Oh c'mon, as long as we're Power People, nothing bad can happen to us! Ashley: What about the time my Malady Bladder was turned evil and my grandma visited? Cassie: And I got locked inside a plutonium reactor. TJ: I lost my memory. Carlos: I keep transforming into a bug every thirteen days. Ashley: And I bunk with him. Chris: And I'm allergic to wool. [They all stare at Chris.] Chris: Hey, I need to say something here. I haven't gotten my own episode yet in this stinking spin-off, and I'm named after one of the creators. Andros: Why the hell do you care? You're directing this episode, aren't you? TJ: Well, I'm bookin'. Let's take the rum away. heh heh, take the rum away... [TJ heads out in his drunk stupor and is launched out of the exhaust pipe.] Cassie: I suppose we should go get him. Andros: You guys stay here. I'll, uh, moniter the ship in case of an emergency. Ashley: Can't Beta do that? Beta (in another chambre, in psychotic voice): MUST... KILL... Carlos: Stupid question. Chris: Yeah, I'll stay behind as well. Carlos: La dee stinkin da. See ya! (the three head out to save TJ) Chris (after others leave): Well, it's just you and me now. Andros: Whoop dee doo. [Andros places his special crystal into the reader drive in the console and watches the memory tape of Kamoan's kidnapping yet again.] Chris (eating popcorn and reclining in a chair): I don't understand how you can watch this thing. It's so boring and disillussioning. [Andros isn't listening. His brain finally shifts into basic concept grasping gear.] Andros: ... Anaconda... it was you Chris: DUH!! --- [Somewhere else in the Bigship, later.] Andros: I don't believe this, I don't believe this, I don't believe this... DECO: Hey dude, take five, cool down, smoke if ya got one... Andros: Sorry DECO, but I'm too cheesed off right now to listen to logic. DECO: I'll try to hide my surprise. Andros: Shut up. I'm going to the planet Oink. DECO: You can't go to Oink! The tolls are a murder on a Bigship this size. Andros (heading up to exhaust pipe launcher area): I said I, not we. You just stay here like a good Gastro BigShip. (Andros thrusts his hand in front of him and then flips around and dives headfirst into the exhaust pipe, which shoots his soot-covered form out to the planet Oink.] Chris: Just great. Now how am I going to keep myself entertained while he's gone? Beta (behind him, wielding a large bloody axe): OH Chris.... --- [The planet Oink. Like all other planets we've encountered, this one also has air on it and abundant humanistic civilization, namely that of the old west. However the civilians here are old monsters that the costume department STILL hasn't thrown out. Andros has hidden himself in a robe (where did he get that) and watches what happened. Anaconda is at the bar, harrassing an Elk.] Anaconda: Where's the potion of strength? Elk: I got it I got it, don't hurt me... [The Elk heads inside his room. There, in the shadows is Hedgecliptor.] Hedgecliptor: He's here? Give him this. Elk: I really hate this. I'm an elk, not an elf. Hedgecliptor: You're an elk parody of an elf. Now, you never saw me here or you will be destroyed. Elk: You got it. (heads out) Anaconda: Great. Now get out of here before I decide to turn your head into a nice candlebra. [The Elk runs off. Andros heads downstairs because all the monster-like women up there were annoying him.] Anaconda: Hey, poker. I never lose at this! GotTheGout: Come on, demon-looking guy. Join in then. Anaconda: Well, I suppose I have time for a hand or two. GotTheGout (pointing to Andros): Hey, you, monk-man. Join us. Andros: I really wouldn't want to intrude. So what are we playing for here, fun, keeps? GotTheGout: Clothes. Andros (Getting up quickly): Goodbye! GotTheGout: Get back here, we'll go easy on ya! [A little while later, Andros is sitting on a pile of the other monsters' clothes. The monsters are wearing barrels with suspenders.] GotTheGout: This is really embarrassing. Andros: It ain't that pretty from over here either. GotTheGout: Hey, can I at least get one thing out of my pocket? Andros: What is it? GotTheGout: All I have are these data cards. Anaconda: What!?! These are worthless! GotTheGout: I'll show you worthless! I stole these from when my forces were on Elkar. It has information about Zorkon! Anaconda: Zorkon? Andros: Whoa. Anaconda: Those are priceless to some suckers. Lay 'em down! Andros: What? You? GotTheGout: Hey, he's no monster (pulls out gun) Anaconda: Where do you keep that metal weapon? GotTheGout: That's none of your damn business, Anaconda! [The game has ended. Anaconda and Andros are at the bar.] Anaconda: This one's on me. Andros: Thank you. Anaconda: You know... I can pay you handsomely... Andros: Hey, I don't go for that kind of thing. Anaconda: Huh? Oh, not that. I meant those key cards. I mean, what use could they be for a traveler such as yourself? Andros: I suppose I could exchange them for some information. Anaconda: Well, today's your lucky day. I have happened to have been everywhere, know everything, and usually have caused most of it. Andros: I need information about Knockout-35. Anaconda: Knockout-35? What would you want from that cheap Earth imitation? Andros: I'm just looking into a kidnapping. Anaconda: A kidnapping? Wow. I must really be buttered from that potion, 'cuz I can tell ya something, buddy: I did this great kidnapping thing once. Y'know, there were two little weenie kids, and I swiped one of 'em. Wha ha ha HA HA! Andros: What ever happened to her? Anaconda: I don't know, it wasn't really one of those long-term things... I... (sees Andros' Gastro Morpher) What did you say your name was? Andros: Um... Walter Snorpinkenderhoofen. Anaconda: Or... THE RED-NECK RANGER!! [They start fighting. They get to the top of the stairs again and Andros' hood comes off.] Anaconda: You'll never find out what happened to your sister, Red Ranger! Andros: Oh yeah? [Andros falls off the balcony and lands ungracefully on the poker table.] Andros: OW! GotTheGout: Get Him! [By now, Andros has run out of the bar.] Andros (with appropriate arm movement): Malady Glider, Hang Loose! [Andros morphs and flips simultaneously and lands on his Malady Bladder and flies off, being chased by several villains. The scene is very reminiscent of Back To The Future.] Andros: Yeeha!! [The Pompoms give chase in their Pastafighters. After a large menagerie of jumping, weaving, and so forth, Andros manages to blast out of the atmospher...] --- [GastroMeltedBigShip in docking.] Cassie: How was rehab, TJ? TJ: It was fun. Especially the electroshock therapy! Chris (his uniform scrapped up): Well, at least you weren't trapped alone on these ships with an insane automaton. Sometimes I think Andros reprograms Beta just to get back at us for stealing his ship and forcing him to share his powers with us. Carlos: The ungrateful flemwad. Andros: Hark. Do I hear the sound of mutiny? Ashley: Where have you been?!? You're drenched with a lake of sweat.. that just magnifies .. your masculinity... Chris: Uh oh, we're losing her. Beta: Ooh, key coasters. These are great. Do you have space invaders in here? Andros: No, that's all the evidence I have that Anaconda stole my sister from me. Chris: What are you going to do, sue him? Andros: I suppose if push comes to shove... [Suddenly, Anaconda's image appears on the main viewer.] Andros: Anaconda! How did you get through this channel!? (Anaconda): Red-Neck Ranger! If you ever want to see your sister again you'll come down here and fight me! [Transmission ends.] Ashley: Andros, I know your sister means a lot to you, but you have to think about this deci--- Andros: I'm outta here. Ashley: Then again, thinking has never really been one of your strong suits, has it? TJ: We're going with you. Chris: I'm not. [Beta kicks Chris into the turbolift, and the doors close.] DECO: Have you noticed that this episode is looking a lot like the pilot? Chris (inside lift): Hey, don't insult me! --- [Angular Grove. The six Rangers land and strike battle poses.] Andros: OK Anaconda, I'm here! Anaconda: Oh good. But I need to get a little drunk before we fight (drinks the strength elixer from a whisky flask) Ohh, that feels good. Bu-raaaaappppp!!!!! [Suddenly, lighting strikes Anaconda in several places and he transforms (again) into another evil mix creature.] Chris: Nuts. [Anaconda rushes the Rangers at lightning speed and hurts them all real bad in traditional anime style. Then he uses his extending sword to hurt the Rangers some more.] Chris (toting Super-Rolling Pinalizer): OK, you, I haven't had an original episode in this series, and I'm looking for someone to blame it on. (fires his weapon, which is bounced back and Chris is shot back in a load of sparks). Ashley (dramatically): OH Chris, why did you feel the need to sacrifice yourself? Chris (dramatically): I did it, because I knew that if I could not protect you then our love could not possibly be. Not in this lifetime. Ashley (dramatically): Oh you lovesick fool. Then perhaps, if I cannot be in love with you, than I shall never be one with another... Andros: OH BLOW IT OUT YOUR NOSE HOLES, YOU GUYS!! Chris: You could at least have allowed us one frenchie before I die. Andros: You're not dying Chris. Chris: Damn. Anaconda: Fools... now I'll--- (flash) AAughhh!! Carlos: What's he doing? Anaconda: I will be back, you Power People--aaugh! [Teleports out.] Ashley: What on Earth was that? --- [Some under tunnel under the stadium.] Anaconda: Grraugh... I swear I will do whoever did this to me and DESTROY THEM! Hedgecliptor: Too late, hedgecliptor. You're no a misses! Anaconda: NHOOOO!!!! (enlarges to a ginat size) --- Rangers: Whoa! Andros: He's gigantic! [The giant Anaconda blasts several abandoned buildings.] TJ: We've got to stop him! Chris: gee TJ, remind me again why you're not the leader anymore? TJ: It was a rascist decision! Carlos: Yeah, he remembers THAT! TJ: Shut up. You can't make jokes about a member of a minority with a mental handicap! Cassie: Why not? Ralph Nader's threatening to sue us over that. Chris: I thought it was because the immense firepower of the Melted MegaHunkaJunkaZord's Jetson blasters were causing people to turn green and mutate extra appendages and eyeballs. Ashley: That too. Andros: Will you guys shut up? I need Gastro Melted MegaHunkaJunkaZord power now! [The two ships seperate, then fall into pieces, and the two pieces fuse together and duct tape is wrapped around and the new Megazord is formed.] [Inside, the Rangers go in through the back door and slip into their seats, which is achieved with a considerable amount of difficulty. Finally, they all get in and fight Anaconda.] Anaconda: Let's get it on! [Anaconda uses even more super attacks against the Megazord and blasts it in several places, causing several of the decals to fall off. In the control room, the danger is signalled by bright blaring red lights and signs which indicate the zords warranties have run out.] Andros: Damn, We need more! (Activates wrist communicator) Scotty, what's left? (Mr Scott (from Star Trek Movies)): Nay a thing, Cappan! The kipper doohickeys all out of phase und theres a displacement in the rotundish isplatortron cuircuit membranes! Andros: Um, I'll take your word for it. Mr Scott (in engine room, actually eating powdered donuts): Thank you (munch) Cappan. Chris: That was wierd. Andros: I felt the need for one more shameless plug to keep people's minds busy for the next four months. [Anaconda attacks again and strikes several vital areas of the ship (and take into literal translation of 'Vital area', if you get our drift).] Andros: Jetson blasters! [The shoulder-mounted machine guns fire at Anaconda, who is unaffected.] TJ: I don't believe it! Is that supposed to happen? Chris: No TJ, it is not. TJ: OK, I really don't like this 'TJ' thing. From now on, I want you all to call me Copernicus. Andros: Maybe later. Right now, it's time for Flying Voltron Rip-Off Power Punch! [The fists go flying off, soar through the air and punch right through Anaconda, but without hurting him.] Chris: Yeah, this one's going just great, isn't it? Ashley: This is our cliffhanger episode. Did you expect it to be easy? Andros: Maybe if we can combine the last of the Zord's power into an energy cyclone and do a really cool attack, we can destroy him! Chris: Like those other attacks worked. Andros: Shut up. Carlos: You guys do whatever you need to do. I'm going to get back to writing my Virtuoso Troopers fanfic. Chris: Hah! What kind of weenie writes a Virtuoso Troopers fanfic? [Suddenly, the hand of the creator whacks Chris in the head.] Chris: That wasn't in the script. Creator: No, but you deserved it. [The zords energize, then blaze forward at great speed. They leave a blazing trail behind them and travel back in time. No, I'm kidding. They just slice Anaconda in half.] Andros: If that didn't finish him, nothing will! Anaconda: Surprise surprise, Rangers, I'm still here. Chris: This is just peachy keen. [Another monster (I'll call him Lou) stands beside Anaconda.] Anaconda: Lets get them! [The two monsters start slapping the zords around. Inside, the Rangers are all being rocked around and continuously land on top of each other.] Chris: This is a dandy way to meet. Ashley: Get off me. [Anaconda and Lou start attacking the zords again, when-- SHAKKKKK!! I'm sorry, but due to extreme violence, this portion of the show cannot be seen at this time. Please enjoy this very tasteful clip until your regular programming becomes safe for viewers like you. [A clip from the Jerry Springer Show about the guy who married a horse is on, the turns back to the actual show.] Andros: What the hell was that? Chris: The V Chip. [The monsters hit the Megazord another time, causing it to fall back and scrape heavily against the street, crushing several cars.] Andros: Hang on; we're going down! All: Yaaaaaaah!!!!! TJ: This is bad. This is very very bad. Chris: Y'know, somethin's missing. [Suddenly the zords crush the form of Kenny.] Bystander: OH my god, they killed Kenny! Chris: That's better. Carlos: Do you guys mind? I'm trying to write a fanfic in here! Andros: Y'know, for a season finale, we really don't have any character- building subplots in here. Cassie: Well, we'd need an actual PLOT in order to have subplots. Andros: Oh yeah, I forgot that. DECO: I'll try to hide my surprise. Andros: I TOLD YOU QUIET! [The zords continue to scrape against the street as... To Be Continued... executive producers CHRIS NEUMANN JEAN-CHRISTOPHE KARIM NEXT TIME ON POWER PEOPLE LOST IN SPACE . . . > WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO THE RANGERS WITH THEIR GASTRO MELTED MEGAHUNKAJUNKA- ZORD DEFEATED AT THEIR ENEMIES HANDS? > WILL CHRIS EVER GET TO DIRECT ANOTHER EPISODE (LET'S HOPE NOT!) > WILL THE CHARACTERS ACTUALLY _GET_ CHARACTERS SO WE CAN HAVE EPISODES WHERE THE CHARACTERS BUILD THEIR CHARACTER'S CHARACTERS? DID YOU CATCH THAT? > IS THE GOVERNMENT REALLY WATCHING US THROUGH THE V-CHIP? AND IF SO, ARE THEY LOOKING AT YOU? > AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST: HOW MANY MORE SHAMEFUL PLUGS DID THAT VIRTUOSO TROOPERS COMMENT GRANT US? FIND OUT THE ANSWERS TO THESE AND OTHER QUESTIONS YOU CANNOT POSSIBLY LIVE WITHOUT KNOWING THE ANSWERS TO. FIND OUT THE MYSTERIES OF THE UNIVERSE... in 4 months. Haha. [Car Insurance area...] | Andros | Christopher Hkayman Islands Lee Man (showing his insurance person his | crushed auto): Will my insurance cover | TJ this? | Shellfish Ward | Insurance Agent (IA): What exactly | Chris HAPPENED to this? | Guy Inomnate | Man: Well, I was just driving along, | Carlos minding my own business, when the Power | Roger Tobasco People's robot came crashing down on | this thing and ruined it. | Ashley | Tracy Lynt Crud IA: Well I serves you right for driving | a car in downtown Angular Grove. | Cassie | Patricia Ya Man Man: What the hell is that supposed to | mean? | Astronemesis ....... Melody Perkem | Anaconda ............ Bob Snakeman AI: What do you think? | Hedgecliptor ......... Walter Lame | Aktroms ............ Waylon Bupkis Man: What? You want a piece a me? | Hulk .................. Paul Frier You WANT A PIECE OF ME!?! (rips off | Dull ................. Jason Marvy shirt to reveal muscular interior) | Incompitent ......... Percy Weezer LET'S RUMBAL!! | Adelle ............... Nay Leslies | Kenny .................... Himself | DECO ..................... Herself | Insurance Man ......... Haim Saban | Man ................... Shuki Levy | | Based on "Power Rangers In Space" | created by Saban. | | Protected under the fair-use | parody laws laid down by the first | amendment. | | (c) 1998 Gourmet Night | All rights reserved.