"Grandpa In A Nursing Home"

               Based on alt.fan.power-ranger thread "TOMMY!"


I can really imagine being a grandfather in a nursing home.


Me:  Hold on there, young whippersnapper, I need to tell you a story!

Grandson:  Grandpa, I'm on my way to a wedding!

Me:  A Petting? Man, that is nasty!

Grandson:  A WEDDING, Grandpa! When was the last time you changed your
hearing aid battery, 2034?

Me:  No, 1997 when I got them.

Grandson:  Weren't you sixteen then?

Me:  That's straying from the point! Anyway, when I was little, we didn't
have this mind-net, where everyone communicates telepathically.

Grandson:  Wow. You were a caveman.

Great-Grandson:  This gonna be annother scary story bout the wintersmet?

Me:  The internet and the computer seemed kind of nice at first, but by the
year 2000 we all knew it was a trick, especially when they all started
exploding becuase they forgot what year it was...

Grandson:  Grandpa, I need to get to the chapel. Mine is the first
externa-species marriage and my ticket to four more years in the White Dome.

Me:  Don't pull your fancy-schmany "I'm too busy" thing on ME!

Grandson:  Grandpa, if I don't get over to the chapel Tooriiniikii will
vaporize my testicles with her four eyes.

Great-Grandson:  What're testibles?

Old Geezer With Odd Hair:  Oh shut up, Chris!

Me:  Hey, look guys, it's me old war buddy Christopher Hykayman Islands Lee!
He played Andros on Power People, y'know. I made that series.

Andros:  Yeah, that'sh how I losht my leg.

Me:  I thought you lost it in the war.

Andros:  What war are you talking about, you stupid (futuristic bad word).

Great-Grandson:  WHOA DUDE!

Grandson:  Mr Lee!

Andros:  My name isn't Mr Pee!

Grandson:  Is there anybody here who is not wearing hearing aids that expired
before I was born?

[Silence]

Background geezer:  What?

Grandson:  Nothing, get back to your sponge bath.